A New Reality Show
Have you seen the shows or the ads for “The Bachelor” or any of the other reality shows in which women use television to choose the person with whom they will spend the rest of their lives? They have similar tag lines-”I’m independent/goal oriented/confident/powerful.” Some brag, “I’m a bitch.”
In a country that is in desperate need for the feminine values of community, connectedness and constructive dialogue, grown women ruthlessly compete and tear one another apart in the name of true love.
Is this what women worked so hard to achieve? Is there another way of expressing feminine power that is not cookie cutter cuteness or ruthless competitiveness? What are the life giving feminine gifts that need to be expressed by men AND women?
Balancing the Scales
Western culture is deeply rooted in important masculine values of competition, achievement and reward by merit. As women began to find their voices during the women’s movement, they knew they must express their inherent masculine traits in order to succeed in the world of business, politics, education and religion.
Yet, as we witness the current socio-political climate and the popularity of reality television, we become more aware of the desperate need to integrate feminine values in order to balance the scales. Ancient traditions insist that the health of a human individual and the health of a culture are determined by how well these two are balanced and fully integrated. A skew in any direction harms.
Look at the list below and ask yourself, how are the scales tipped in Western culture? How are they tipped in your own life?
| Masculine Gifts | Feminine Gifts | |
| Assertiveness | Receptivity | |
| External movement and action-Doing | Stillness within-Being | |
| Thinking/Reason | Feeling | |
| Individualism | Communion/Nurturing | |
| Competition | Cooperation/Compassion | |
| Authoritarian | Openness/Dialogue | |
| Pride | Humility | |
| Strength | Vulnerability | |
| Aggression | Nonviolent resistance |
It might help to ask yourself a few questions:
- Do you feel more comfortable telling people you are busy and stressed or that you spent the afternoon reading a favorite book?
- Does your local school publicly recognize the spirit of competition in equal measure to the spirit of compassion and cooperation?
- Are work, religious and volunteer organizations hierarchically authoritarian or do they operate in openly with diverse opinions freely expressed and respected?
- Do you see more bumper stickers that express pride or ones that express humility for such unbelievable abundance?
- Is human emotion and feeling given the same weight as reason in political/business/educational/religious and familial decision making?
- Are you more comfortable expressing strength or vulnerability?
- Do you think there is more power in aggression or nonviolent resistance (not passivity and weakness)?
Now here is the big awareness exercise-did you feel defensive or annoyed as you read the questions?
When I first did this exercise, I realized how my individual consciousness was so immersed in my cultural consciousness that I felt defensive for my blatantly masculine bias! I realized that I had bought into the fallacy of the opposite alternative: either I am rational and reasonable or I am a mushy puddle of uncontrollable emotions. I will be pulverized if I empower myself to express feminine wisdom. Not true.
Receptive listening requires far greater courage than reactive aggression or dominating exhortation. Listening deeply to another’s experience may require us to surrender or yield which exposes our human vulnerability. Truly frightening!
A Revolution of the Heart
As we decry the divisive political climate, the debasing of the human spirit on reality shows or the general lack of constructive communitarian dialogue, we can take the opportunity to step back and assess what we need to learn from these unfolding events.
Perhaps we are called to wake up and pay attention to what our lives are saying: Balance the scales… now. Our communities, our countries and our souls are starving for an infusion of feeling, a spirit of cooperation, and a climate of openness to others’ life experience.
Our individual spirits are crying for inward stillness to silence the cacophony of mindless demands on our time. Our young people are starving for meaning beyond the next competition and feather in their cap-we can show them the way. We can affirm the value of the feminine gifts of connectedness, compassion and humility.
But first, we are called to reclaim these gifts within ourselves. We begin by opening our hearts to the full range of human feeling. Reading the newspaper becomes an exercise in compassion rather than judgment.
We say “no” to news programs in which anchors literally foam at the mouth with partisan bluster. We resist the enticing allure of shows that showcase greed and vicious backbiting. We support programs that celebrate the best of the human spirit.
We teach our children to reach for the stars and then stand firmly on the ground with humility and gratitude for their gifts. We teach them that self-esteem must always be balanced by selflessness.
When we assertively speak our minds for our cause, we focus on the issue and avoid personal attacks. We listen to other perspectives that express an experience different from ours. When we err, we make amends.
It’s countercultural to affirm this revolution of the heart. A great teacher once said, “Determine the truth of the teaching by the fruits of its message.”
Here’s a test to determine the veracity of this revolution:
As you watched the Olympics, who touched your heart? The talented U.S. basketball team who arrogantly proclaimed their dominance? Or Michael Phelps, multiple gold medal swimmer and outstanding competitor who gave up his position in the relay to allow another swimmer to win his first gold?
This simple act conveyed a beautiful masculine/feminine balance of competition and cooperation.
Phelps taught us that balance is humanly possible. And even better, it was a reality show that sent our hearts soaring.
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