Breathing instead of screaming…
May 31, 2011
A lawyer with a lot of opinions was none too thrilled when I asked she and 51 of her colleagues to drop their eyes for a breathing practice. She questioned its practicality. After a 5 minute breathing meditation she said, “I’ve been telling warring clients to breathe for 20 years but never did it myself. It really works.”
“Works” means it’s healing, it softens the hardened places, it clears the mind, it calms the spirit. A great post on elephant journal tells of a time when the author is “Trying To Breathe When All I Want To Do Is Scream.”
Projection and Defense Mechanisms – Part 3
May 26, 2011
Projections are the unconscious denial of our own attributes which we project onto the world; each type projects a different worldiew. Defense mechanisms are the “glue” that holds our type structure together and results in a distorted assessment of any given situation and experience. Each type has a different defense mechanism.
- Tuesdays evenings: 7-9 p.m.
- Oakley, Ohio
- 4 classes: June 7, 14, 21, 28
- $119 including materials
Prerequisite: Part 1, 2
Text: The Enneagram in Love and Work by Helen Palmer
The Evolutionary Enneagram
May 26, 2011
Beginning March 29th, we will be offering a series of continuous classes…each building on the one before…called, “The Evolutionary Enneagram: A Deeper Dive.” This series is a response to a request for a solid, continuing program which allows you to:
-Learn more about yourself and the people in your life and identify barriers to your living life more fully.
-Develop practices of mindfulness, meditation, breathing and body awareness which help you catch yourself doing it again, “on the spot” before you do damage to self and others. All of these practices deepen intuition and expand your capacity to widen your vision so you are less likely to collapse into your own, retracted world. Thus, you limit damage to self and other.
-Identify the strategies your type uses to meet the three core human needs for power/control, safety/security, affection/esteem.
-Recognize the evolutionary nature of human development both in individuals and communites
-Learn the Law of Three, a practical tool for recognizing the ways in which resistance/triggers/challenges can be used to develop the capacity to stay calm, increase compassion for self/other and know when to take action and when to simply manage your energy in the face of life challenges.
-Create a community of people who support your unique journey of Awareness, Acceptance, Action, Adherence (The Universal Growth Process© David Daniels MD and Terry Saracino)
The Schedule:
Part 1: Enneagram Origins, the Three Centers
We all have access to three centers of intelligence: mental, emotional, instinctual. Each type tends to overuse one center. In this class, we learn how your type expresses your preferred center and then learn ways we can access all three centers day to day so we can live in a less ego-fixated, integrated way.
- Tuesday evenings: 7-9
- Indian Hill, Ohio
- 4 classes: March 22, 29, April 5, 12
- $119 including materials
Text: The Intuitive Body by Wendy Palmer
No prerequisite
Future Classes:
Registration opens March 22
Part 2: The Journey of 9 Types: The Narrative Tradition
The Narrative Tradition recognizes that the best way to learn the 9 types is to explore them more deeply through listening to another speak from their unique experience. In this class, you learn about the types through panels of exemplars from within the class and guest panelists (when necessary)
- Tuesday evenings: 7-9 p.m.
- Oakley, Ohio
- 4 classes: May 3, May 10, May 17, May 24
- $119 including materials
Prerequisite: Part 1 OR Enneagram and Relationships OR Advanced Six Class OR Six Summer Session
Text: The Enneagram in Love and Work by Helen Palmer
Part 3: Projection and Defense Mechanisms
Projections are the unconscious denial of our own attributes which we project onto the world; each type projects a different worldiew. Defense mechanisms are the “glue” that holds our type structure together and results in a distorted assessment of any given situation and experience. Each type has a different defense mechanism.
- Tuesdays evenings: 7-9 p.m.
- Oakley, Ohio
- 4 classes: June 7, 14, 21, 28
- $119 including materials
Prerequisite: Part 1, 2
Text: The Enneagram in Love and Work by Helen Palmer
Part 4: Enneagram and False Self: Idealization and Identification
Every type has an idealized self and overly identifies with this idealized self. This idealization limits our capacity to think, feel and act with clarity as we assume there are only a limited number of responses. As we recognize how this “false self” system was formed and learn to recognize the way it plays out in our lives, we actually develop greater freedom to access higher qualities of our type
- Tuesday evenings: 7-9
- Oakley, Ohio
- 4 classes: July 19, 26, August 2, 9
- $119 including materials
Prerequisite: Part 1, 2, 3
Text: The Enneagram in Love and Work by Helen Palmer
Part 5: Instinctual Subtypes
We all have three instinctual drives (for social, sexual/one to one and self-preservation needs) which are innate, indispensable parts of how we live as whole human beings. When our instincts are balanced, we thrive. When instincts are out of balance, we suffer.
Understanding subtypes begins to illuminate our personality type like a neon sign. Subtype is where we get neurotic. We think no one notices, but the part we cannot see is running the whole show.
- Tuesday evenings: 7-9
- Oakley, Ohio
- 5 classes: August 30, September 6, 13, 20, 27
- $139 includes materials
Prerequisite: Part 1, 2, 3, 4
Text: Subtypes in Relationship by Peter O’Hanrahan
Highly recommended: Helen Palmer and Terry Saracino are coming to Cincinnati on September 17-18th. This workshop will integrate many of the insights of this series. We encourage participant’s attendance at this workshop.
Part 6: Practicing Presence in Relationships with Self and Other
Presence simply means gathered awareness. Typically, we are gripped by memories and often focus on past mistakes, wrongdoings and regrets which often keeps us in a cylce of blaming and guilt.
Or, we live in the future when we make assumptions or fantasize about what could happen and then become attached to those expected outcomes. This habit usually results in disappointment.
In this class, we learn specific meditations for practicing presence when we are “triggered” and experience anger, fear/anxiety or shame/panic. We explore how each type shifts out of presence.
- Tuesday evenings: 7-9
- Oakley, Ohio
- 7 Classes: October 18, 25, November 1, 8, 15, 22
- $179 including materials
Prerequisite: Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
Text: The Presence Process by Michael Brown
Class format:
- Lecture and graphics to learn the relevant material to enhance your understanding
- Dyads to learn receptive listening, deeper inquiry and deepen self-awareness
- Panels in order to cultivate understanding and compassion for self and other
- Somatic and mindfulness practices to help you recognize how your mind and body reacts to pressure and conflict and to help you access more skillful responses through breathing, postures, movement and recognition of non-verbal cues we give to self and other
- Homework and practices between sessions; online support from Leslie, Sue and other students
Closing Retreat:
Date To Be Announced for January 2012
About the Instructor:
Leslie Hershberger, MA is the founder of the LFH Group which provides classes, coaching and guidance for individuals and organizations which assist you in addressing the increasingly complex challenges of today. She is also founder of Integral Women of Greater Cincinnati which is dedicated to fostering women’s spiritual transformation.
She is certified teacher of the Enneagram in the Narrative Tradition and of the Enneagram in Business and gives Enneagram workshops throughout the Midwest. She is the Enneagram trainer for Integral Recovery in Teasdale, Utah and she does Enneagram training for the Off the Streets program in Cincinnati, Ohio. She is Teacher Support Chair for Enneagram Association in the Narrative Tradition and the Social Media Coordinator for Enneagram Studies in the Narrative Tradition.
Sue Jones will be co-facilitating some of the sessions:
Sue Jones is a long time practitioner of the Enneagram using it in her personal and professional life. She is a certified teacher with Helen Palmer, David Daniels, Terry Saracino and Peter O’Hanrahan in the Enneagram in the Narrative Tradition. She and Leslie have taught the Enneagram together to high school students. She is particularly interested in bringing the insights of the Enneagram to students, parents and teachers. She co-facilitates an ongoing Enneagram practice group in Cincinnati, Ohio. She is on the board of Enneagram Center of the Ohio Valley.
Enneagram Typing Interview
May 20, 2011
Includes:
- Phone consult to clarify client desires
- 50 minute typing interview
- 40 minute debrief in which I explain my observations and perceptions during the interview. The Enneagram is a system of self-discovery so I give you 1-3 types to explore so you can make your own observations. In this time, we also discuss patterns that you have noticed and I share the subtle ways the patterns present themselves in the ways you think, feel and sense.
- A brief explanation of wings, security and stress points
- A brief explanation and follow up e-mail of self-development practices for your type
- The book, The Essential Enneagram by David Daniels, MD and Virginia Price
- Price: $125
To pay for an interview with an Electronic Check direcectly from your checking account with Intuit Payment Network, click this Pay Now Button. (Signing up is required the first time you pay this way.)
Enneagram Coaching
May 19, 2011
- Each session 60 minutes
- Outcomes:
- Identify habitual type responses and specific ways to shift automatic reactions
- Learn centering and breathing practices
- Reinforce awareness, action and self-development practices
- Outline specific goals, actions and awareness practices for next session
- Illuminate type for self and others
- Engender compassion for self and others
- Nurture and support
- Book and Resource Recommendations
- Price: $95/hour
Oprah Impressively Sees in Herself What We Saw: An Egoic Move and A Lack of Compassion
May 19, 2011
I remember watching Oprah interview James Frey, author of the bestselling A Million Little Pieces. I was sitting with my son and we both had the same reaction: she went for the jugular and the interview was about her rather than about allowing Frey to share his story. She felt she had been made to look stupid by Frey’s lie and she went after him.
It’s not about holding someone accountable. It’s how we hold them accountable and we hold Oprah to a higher standard of interview because of what she represents.
This week, Oprah re-watched the piece as she prepares to close out her show. She saw what we saw: her ego got in the way and in that state, she saw only herself and lost her capacity to see the view of another and maintain compassion.
She never understood why so many people thought she was so hard on Frey as she felt it was her duty to bring the truth out. What strikes me in this clip is Oprah’s capacity for self-reflection and her honesty. She circles back, observes herself, meditates on her motives and rather than defend and attack, she offers an apology. Impressive.
Evolutionary Enneagram
May 18, 2011
Special rate for two people from same household.
Motherhood and Mistakes
May 8, 2011
A friend called me yesterday weepy because she’d cut her dog’s belly while giving her a haircut. I told her not to be so hard on herself. I said, “Listen to what I did to my kids. I dropped a fork on Laura’s head when she was 5 months old while we were having dinner together on the floor and I took little chunks out of Matt’s fingers while clipping his nails.
And then there’s the one that’s most guilt inducing: When Rach was a newborn, I brought her outside while I gardened, put her under a tree and she ended up with a severe sunburn that gave her blisters on her newborn face that had people saying, “Oh my what happened to your poor baby? Oh, you burned her?”
And those were the mild mistakes.
Mothering is a dicey proposition. I’ve made mistakes. I’ve loved too much when they’ve needed space and too little when they’ve needed a friend who would listen with undivided attention while I was often too busy trying to fix, advise, save and set straight to really hear what they were trying to say.
Yet, with all that, I do know this. Laura, Matt and Rachel are three of the best people I know: kind, funny, smart and irreverent. I’d rather be with them than with most anyone else.
Next week, my grandson will be a year old and my daughter is the most kickass mother I’ve ever seen. You should watch her with Alejandro. I had no idea that one of the best parts of being a mother would be watching my daughter be a mother.
On Thursday, my niece and goddaughter gave birth to 9 lb. Caden Michael. My brother texted me a photo of her holding him. Oh Caitlin, I thought, this beautiful little guy will break your heart and break it open in more ways than you can count. Be gentle on yourself. We are so wired to be hard on ourselves. Be gentle. (Yes, this is advice).
And this is what I remind myself. Be gentle. Be gentle on Mom. Be gentle on her mom. Be gentle on your children and grandchildren. Be gentle on yourself. Life is suffering says the Buddha. Life is difficult says M. Scott Peck. It seems we are wired for struggle. So be gentle.
Some years back, when my kids were graduating high school and mothering was heading to a very different phase, Anna Quindlen wrote this column in the New York Times. I saved it in my Articles I Like file and today, I share it with Caitlin and Laura, two new moms who will one day discover that the mistakes they make are portals of discovery in which they find hidden parts of themselves and their sons.
On Being a Mom by Anna Quindlen:
All my babies are gone now. I say this not in sorrow but in disbelief. I take great satisfaction in what I have today: three almost adults, two taller than I am, one closing in fast. Three people who read the same books I do and have learned not to be afraid of disagreeing with me in their opinion of them, who sometimes tell vulgar jokes that make me laugh until I choke and cry, who need razor blades and shower gel and privacy, who want to keep their doors closed more than I like. Who, miraculously, go to the bathroom, zip up their jackets and move food from plate to mouth all by themselves.
Like the trick soap I bought for the bathroom with a rubber ducky at its center, the baby is buried deep within each, barely discernible except through the unreliable haze of the past.
Everything in all the books I once pored over is finished for me now. Penelope Leach., T. Berry Brazelton., Dr. Spock. The ones on sibling rivalry and sleeping through the night and early-childhood education, all grown obsolete. Along with “Goodnight Moon” and “Where the Wild Things Are,” they are battered, spotted, well used. But I suspect that if you flipped the pages dust would rise like memories.
What those books taught me, finally, and what the women on the playground taught me, and the well-meaning relations –what they taught me was that they couldn’t really teach me very much at all.
Raising children is presented at first as a true-false test, then becomes multiple choice, until finally, far along, you realize that it is an endless essay. No one knows anything. One child responds well to positive reinforcement, another can be managed only with a stern voice and a timeout. One boy is toilet trained at 3, his brother at 2. When my first child was born, parents were told to put baby to bed on his belly so that he would not choke on his own spit-up. By the time my last arrived, babies were put down on their backs because of research on sudden infant death syndrome. To a new parent this ever-shifting certainty is terrifying, and then soothing. Eventually you must learn to trust yourself. Eventually the research will follow.
I remember 15 years ago poring over one of Dr. Brazelton’s wonderful books on child development, in which he describes three different sorts of infants: average, quiet, and active. I was looking for a sub-quiet codicil for an 18-month-old who did not walk. Was there something wrong with his fat little legs? Was there something wrong with his tiny little mind? Was he developmentally delayed, physically challenged? Was I insane? Last year he went to China. Next year he goes to college. He can talk just fine. He can walk, too.
Every part of raising children is humbling, too. Believe me, mistakes were made. They have all been enshrined in the Remember-When-Mom-Did Hall of Fame. The outbursts, the temper tantrums, the bad language – mine, not theirs. The times the baby fell off the bed. The times I arrived late for preschool pickup. The nightmare sleepover. The horrible summer camp. The day when the youngest came barreling out of the classroom with a 98 on her geography test, and I responded, What did you get wrong? (She insisted I include that.) The time I ordered food at the McDonald’s drive-through speaker and then drove away without picking it up from the window. (They all insisted I include that.) I did not allow them to watch the Simpsons for the first two seasons. What was I thinking?
But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.
Even today I’m not sure what worked and what didn’t, what was me and what was simply life. When they were very small, I suppose I thought someday they would become who they were because of what I’d done. Now I suspect they simply grew into their true selves because they demanded in a thousand ways that I back off and let them be. The books said to be relaxed and I was often tense, matter-of-fact and I was sometimes over the top. And look how it all turned out. I wound up with the three people I like best in the world, who have done more than anyone to excavate my essential humanity.
That’s what the books never told me. I was bound and determined to learn from the experts. It just took me a while to figure out who the experts were.