Fostering An Integral Vision For The World

Stages of Faith by James Testerman

Life can be viewed as a quest in which we seek to understand the world we find ourselves in, discover its meaning, and locate ourselves within the grand scheme of things. As we go about the lifelong business of constructing our intelligible worlds, we pass through different eras or stages in our life, in each of which we approach our meaning-making task quite differently.

James Fowler called these life stages the “stages of faith”–your faith being the way you make sense of the world. After listening to the life stories of hundreds of people, Fowler believed he had found a consistent pattern of six major faith stages which occur in an invariant order. However, most people complete only three or four during their lifetime.

These stages have to do with the type of faith but not with the amount of faith. Profound faith in God or unbelief may occur at any stage. Faith stage determines what one considers to be the important questions, what counts as evidence, and how and with what cognitive tools one looks for answers. The stages can be thought of as the different lenses through which we view the world as we journey through life.

Faith stage transitions occur when, in response to new experiences or life crises, our old way of seeing the world collapses and a new faith structure is built. As seen in the stories in this issue of Adventist Today, these faith stage transitions are sometimes traumatic, accompanied by much painful soul-searching, and they can bring people into conflict with their faith communities.

I. Magical World

The Stage 1 child of ages 2-6 perceives the world through the lens of imagination and intuition unrestrained by logic. The preschooler thus lives in a numinous, magical world in which anything is possible.

II. Concrete Family

Stage 2 children of ages 6-12 see the world through the lens of story–a concrete, literal, narrative world of family and tribe, ritual and myth. They begin to identify with a faith community, which may be religiously, politically or culturally defined, and to locate themselves within its story–the story that tells you who you are.
Stage 2 collapses when teenagers use their newfound power of abstract thought to deconstruct their previous concrete understanding of the world. If they are not provided with a Christian peer group and adult level religious teaching, they will now be at high risk for rejecting their religion as childish, and identifying instead with the surrounding secular culture.

III. Faith Community (This is the stage where 70% of the population plateaus)

The teenager in Stage 3 sees the world through the lens of the peer community. We are socialized into our faith community, “catching” our values and ways of thinking unconsciously from our peer group and subculture. We are immersed in the thought system of our faith community like a fish that does not perceive the water in which it swims.

Stage 3 usually continues as the adult faith stage of most people in our church and society. Once the culturally accepted ways of thinking become part of us, we tend not to question them, nor the authoritative sources from which they derive. At Stage 3 my identity is based on being part of a group with shared history, traditions and values. Without Stage 3 persons, denominations or cultures would have little cohesiveness or continuity. People may change denominations, however, if they can be convinced that the new group is more faithful to accepted authoritative sources, such as the Bible or the Vatican.

Group-based identity is also a cause of conflict. It is hard to deal calmly and rationally with issues which touch on one’s identity.

Adult Stage 3 types, then, tend to be loyal and support the church and its beliefs and practices. They may react strongly if they perceive any of these things as under attack, since their identity is tied to them. They form the majority and financially supportive backbone of any church.

IV. Rational Constructs

If the traditional answers stop making sense, Stage 3 collapses. In some respects Stage 4 is a continuation of the rational examination of belief that begins during Stage 3. Now, however, not only individual beliefs, but the whole previously unquestioned traditional and authoritative bases of belief are called into radical account. One develops the capacity to step back from one’s own faith heritage and examine it through the lens of science and reason, compare it to other faith traditions, throw out the parts that don’t make sense, or even abandon it altogether. One’s universe is now reconstructed along self-chosen rational lines, and one’s religion (if retained) must, above all, make sense.

In transition to Stage 4, people may experience deep disappointment and anger on finding that some of the beliefs they had based their lives on do not stand up to their investigation.

They may nevertheless remain in the church if they can reinterpret their faith along reasonable lines and find a supportive local church community with Stage 4 role models and tolerance of diversity. Leaders who insist on having 100 percent of the church agreeing with “fundamental beliefs” as a condition of retaining membership are essentially demanding that all Stage 4 parishioners leave the church. Members who happen to be passing through the Stage 4 transition but who hold highly visible positions in the denomination often become casualties, whereas less vulnerable individuals who are members of supportive local church communities may remain and thrive.

V. Numinous Universe

Stage 4 collapses when we run up against the limits of rational thought and the search for certainty ends in failure and even despair. Stage 5, which may begin at mid-life or later, in some respects is similar to Stage 1. Seeing once more through the lens of the imagination and intuition, we again come to live in a numinous universe of mystery, wonder and paradox. The answer is not an explanation, so science and reason are no longer the primary tools with which we attempt to apprehend ultimate reality.

Having taken authority into ourselves at Stage 4, we now give back to sacred symbol, story, tradition, liturgy and faith community the numinous power they enjoyed in our consciousness decades earlier. God, previously the target of much theological discussion, is experienced in a way that is not so neatly captured in a theological box. Without giving up or devaluing one’s own religious heritage, there may be a new openness to learn from other faith traditions.

VI. Selfless Service

Stage 6 faith is rare. Such individuals identify deeply with all of humanity, and therefore tend to spend themselves in service of worldwide issues of love, justice and brotherhood. Some possible examples are Mahatma Gandhi, Albert Schweitzer, and Mother Theresa.

Coexistence

How are people at all these faith stages supposed to coexist in the same church? To those at any given stage, the next stage looks like loss of faith and the previous stage is repulsive. To people in Stage 3, Stage 4 sounds like giving away the store. To those in Stage 4, Stage 3 looks like unthinking traditionalism and Stage 5 like mystical mush.

The problem is worsened by some Stage 3’s who engage in witch hunting at the first scent of heresy, and Stage 4’s who gleefully bait or ridicule their Stage 3 colleagues.

How do we provide for diversity without losing community? There is, of course, no easy answer. But knowing about stages of faith can help us understand how tradition and continuity, as well as new ideas and diversity in the faith community, are inevitable and necessary. All of the stages are important and valid expressions of faith, and people in all stages have a right to serve and be served by faith communities.

Atheists and All of Us: Confusing the Map and the Territory

Cynthia Bourgeault

The word religion means “to bind together” although it often does not seem that way. I need not expound on the danger of religious zealotry and exclusivist claims of salvation. We need to look no further than the new atheists (Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins) who have been calling religion to task for the destruction we have witnessed over the centuries…this is not a bad thing.

Yet, they are missing an important point that all of us often miss. Every religion has an inside and an outside and we confuse the map (the outside or exoteric religion) with the territory (the inside or esoteric religion). The critique of religion is usually a critique of “outside” religion.

It tends to start like this: People have an “inside” encounter with a Master or teacher (Jesus, Buddha, Krishnamurti) and the community and/or teacher experience the sacred and a deep sense of the Source of all creation. They share their revelations using metaphorical language.

Why metaphor? After all, literal interpretations of metaphor in sacred texts have engendered much human suffering and misunderstanding.

This is true, but how else does one describe the feeling and spiritual insight after a deep encounter with divine mystery? It’s the same reason we use metaphor to describe love… the actual experience is difficult to convey…music, poetry, metaphor and story convey the feeling and the mystery of the ineffable. Inside religion invites us into this inner experience.

Outside religion is created as the community develops rituals, practices, music, moral prescriptives and doctrine to honor and celebrate the mystery. They create a sort of map which points to the territory of inner spiritual experience.

Each informs the other. As new territory is discovered through ever evolving encounters with the divine; maps and metaphors are redrawn which illuminate insights to each new generation.

Outside religion goes awry when the community begins to confuse the map with the territory. Understandably, we tenaciously cling to old maps because they offer security, clarity and familiar signposts.

Yet, this is like following your outdated GPS and insisting that Highway 25 is still there “because it says so on the GPS” when Hwy 25 was washed away in last year’s hurricane. Imagine using a map from 300 AD to get to your next appointment.

The earlier map wasn’t wrong; it was accurate for the time. Yet, as we evolve, our ways of knowing the divine mystery evolve. So, new maps are created for evolving communities.

Yet, it would also be shortsighted to trash the Bible, the Bhagavad Gita, Buddhist sutras, and the Tao. These texts are rich with metaphor and spiritual insight which invite us into own encounters.

As we mature, our challenge is to develop a deeper trust of the still voice of Spirit inside of ourselves. In community, we share our encounters and identify the ways in which we get lost.

We may also find ourselves pulling out other maps and reading sacred texts from other traditions to expand our ways of knowing the Greater Reality. We may develop evolving moral codes that are congruent with new insights we’ve gained.

I’ve yet to meet anyone who hasn’t found their faith deepened by an authentic encounter with another spiritual tradition. After reading the Tao, the poet Rumi, the Bhagadvad Gita and countless Buddhist texts, I read Jesus’ words so differently. It was if scales fell from my eyes as I asked myself, “How did I not see this before?”

Yet, in the timeless realm, these texts and communities are simply useful maps. The territory is the profoundly simple recognition that we never were separate from the divine who waits for us moment by moment and asks us again and again, “Who do you say that I AM?”

It is in the silence, for which there is no substitute, that we find the intimacy with the One that we seek. Everything emerges out of silence and returns to back to the silence. Divine territory…not up there or down here, not before that life or after this life. We are swimming in it right now.

The Sufi poet, Rumi writes:

There is a candle in your heart,
ready to be kindled.
There is a void in your soul,
ready to be filled.
You feel it, don’t you?
You feel the separation
from the Beloved.
Invite the Beloved to fill you up,
embrace the fire.
Remind those who tell you otherwise that
Love
comes to you of its own accord,
and the yearning for it
cannot be learned in any school.

Only words on a paper unless we relax into the silence and try it for ourselves. With time and practice, the individual and community binds together, relating to from the inside and on the outside in a sort of cosmic dance of “I” and “WE” and the “I AM” which is the very Source of all creation.

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Books which invite us to an “inside” perspective of religion…a religion that truly binds together:

The Wisdom Way of Knowing…Reclaiming an Ancient Tradition to Awaken the Heart by Cynthia Bourgeault (Bourgeault is an Episcopal priest, writer, retreat leader and director of the Wisdom School and the Contemplative Society).

Kabbalistic Healing…A Path to an Awakened Soul by Jason Shulman (Shulman is a recognized teacher of Buddhism and Kabbalah, which is “inner Judaism.” This lovely book focuses on the healthy integration of ego and its relationship with transcendent reality…the divine).

Living Presence: A Sufi Way to Mindfulness and the Essential Self by Kabir Helminski (outstanding intro to the Wisdom path by a Sufi teacher)

Lost Christianity by Jacob Needleman (Needlman is from the Jewish tradition and this is his exploration into the Christianity he intuited on one level and decided to research it…amazing insights and fascinating read).

The Forgotten Truth: The Common Vision of the World’s Religions by Huston Smith (Smith is the foremost scholar of comparative religion, a Christian who studied and practiced Vedanta Hinduism, Zen Buddhism, and Sufism for over ten years. Smith has been interviewed by Bill Moyers on PBS and his tape series, The World’s Religions, is a must see for anyone interested in the deep, common vein running through the world’s religions).

Howard Thurman: Essential Writings (an African American mystic whose deep identification with God…inside religion…gave birth to a life which invited students and congregants to deeply engaged in the civil rights movement..an expression of outside religion. His quote: “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive” is oft cited by poets and teachers who are inviting others to “Begin within.”)

On Religious Abuse and Authentic Spirituality: Religion offers a potential map…but it’s not the territory

When Anthony deMello was asked what he thought is the core component of the spiritual journey, he responded, “Wake up, wake up, wake up.” He said made no big proclamations about who God is…he said nothing about church and ritual and song.

He didn’t point to the reading of sacred texts as the Rosetta stone of the spiritual journey.  Nor did he say much about human immorality or divine goodness.  He wasn’t terribly interested in debates on women’s suitability for the priesthood or divorce or the state of the family.

He didn’t suggest people learn their Enneagram style or engage in selfless acts of service.   He wasn’t irreligious; he was a Jesuit priest from India.

What deMello discovered is that spirituality isn’t about believing in something or someone; it is about getting to the root of one’s assumptions about God/Reality/Being, about the self, about the little sub-cultures which influence us and about natural world which impacts our awakening.

Why bust assumptions?

So we can have an authentic experience of Being/God which is different from talking or reading about God.  DeMello knew we go through life in sort of a coma.

We are asleep to the countless assumptions we make.

And, if we are swimming in a sea of assumptions, how can we really assume we know anything about Reality or God that isn’t conditioned by our egoic blindness or the blindness of our cultural assumptions?

I’m not advocating we do away with rituals, sacred texts, music, service, meditation or prayer as all are valuable fingers pointing to the sun…. but they are not the sun itself.  They are simply tools which have the potential power to elicit deeper spiritual awareness.

This seems to be a crucial time in human history to recognize the hazards of religious abuse; we’ve tools of mass destruction at our hands and we are poised on the brink of a massive ecological alteration.

I suppose I’ve a certain sensitivity to this issue as I’m sort of in the business. I’ve seen enough prejudice, misogyny, homophobia and class and cultural warfare all in the name of Jesus/God to make me exceedingly wary of definitive religious and political pronouncements.

Let me also be clear I’ve witnessed heart opening compassion, acts of forgiveness and personal/collective transformation because of one’s rootedness in a spiritual tradition/practice; it’s not about the religion though…it’s what his happening on the inside of us.

Religion provides a map for many, but if we mistake it for the territory, we can get into trouble.

At this writing, the Catholic tradition is using a theologically suspicious argument to continue its refusal to ordain women.  Many post-Vatican II Catholics are not buying this as they’ve experienced massive doctrinal shifts to keep up with insights wrought by cultural and scientific evolution.

One need look no further than shifting attitudes about slavery and anti-Semitism to recognize the challenges of resting one’s argument on scriptural literalism; the Vatican and many Christian denominations have developed the capacity to contextualize scripture through the cultural lens and time in which it was written.

In other words, we are a bit suspicious when those in power become dogmatic and magnify and literalize the one issue that well, serves the status quo that maintains their position of power.

No religion or bishop, priest, pastor, guru, or spiritual teacher is exempt from the capacity to use its texts to serve; the wisest ones I’ve seen have a capacity to own their own shadow, observe their illusory fixations and identify the individual and collective compulsions  which distort their worldview.

Which brings us back to the notion of awakening as the core component of the spiritual journey.  Because of the tenacity of our individual and collective blindspots, the imperative seems to be one in which we engage in practices which elicit awakening.

Interestingly enough, this was central to the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth.  He resisted pharisaical pronouncements and instead invited followers into their own stories and their own experience.

He answered their questions with questions or parables rather like a Zen master giving students a koan to solve which reveals something about the illusions they have about themselves and the world.

(As I shared some of this with my Jewish friend this morning she commented that info about this Jesus has been astonishingly absent in her neck of the woods).

A spiritual practice of contemplation offers an elegantly simple way of inviting the seeker into silence…this takes us beyond our projections about Jesus…God…ourselves. The practice of silent stillness, Beatrice Bruteau says, “…forces us to deeper levels of reality. Deprived of distraction, we must either panic or come to a new kind of authenticity.

To avoid the horror of isolation, we must open ourselves to experience our union with the natural world, with the human world and with God without the cover-up the prattling had afforded us. We must learn to breathe trust, the unspoken communion.”

Thus, when we do engage in ritual, compassionate service, sacred reading, moral decision making,  understanding of our Enneagram fixation…we have cultivated an inner compass which is increasingly free of the illusory fixations of our false self.

The spiritual path invites us to shift our focus from God/Being…whatever you call the greater Reality… as one who is worshipped to one who is experienced authentically.

When the people of his time tried to make Jesus king, he ran for the hills.  He knew the risk of projecting assumptions about him.   Go to your room and pray in secret, he said.  So, how do we start?

Contemplative practice.

Contemplative practices include relaxing emotional and bodily tensions,  breathing consciously, engaging in a rhythmic, calming routine congruent with the rhythms of nature, cultivating a healthy diet and a healthy body, resting in the stillness of contemplation and/or communal silence, and developing a capacity to self-observe our habitual patterns.

In short, you begin to wake up. See. Remove the plank from your awareness.  You will fall asleep again.  This is okay.   Wake up again.  Inside of yourself, you will find the kingdom of God. When you seek, you may be troubled.  When you become troubled, you will become astonished as you discover the kingdom…inside of yourself.

Mystics from every tradition share this experience.

And, as you cease to be uptight about yourself, you love more freely.  Be prepared…You will fall asleep again  You will contract and collapse inside of your own egoic world.  No big deal.   Simply notice and wake up again.

You will slowly discover you have been one with the One all along who lives and breathes inside of you, others and the natural world in which you live.

Integral Recovery

Recently returned from a weekend in Utah with John Dupuy, founder of Integral Recovery, a program for the treatment of alcoholism and addiction. John says that at the core of Integral Recovery is “Integral Recovery Practice, a sophisticated system of personal development that is specifically designed for those in recovery, which engages body, mind, heart, and spirit…

Watching John work is pure pleasure…his life’s work is rooted in experiences of “soul crushing depression,” death and loss, betrayal, and love of good friends and a sweetheart of a wife who I hope to get to know even better.

Life is a miracle of Grace, says he…and…he combines Zen, contemplative Christianity, music, satire, astounding compassion, and cut to the core honesty…his dedication to service knows no bounds which makes him one of my favorite people….

He’s using the Enneagram with his clients as he’s convinced that certain types come to addiction through their own distinct portal…we filmed a conversation about the Enneagram and recovery for two hours. Stay tuned for YouTube clips.  My son, webmaster extraorinaire, is helping me edi

Your Unlived Life and the Shadow

Some time ago, I had lunch with two women who had much success in their field.  One facilitated large groups in a corporate setting and another had a radio show in which she interviewed interesting people in diverse fields.   Both were published authors.  I noticed I was annoyed with their self-assurance.  I was aware I was envious that they had not given up their careers to raise a family so they were firmly established in their line of work.  I also became embarrassingly aware that my response was to put on a mask of being “spiritual” as if that would give me a sort of “one up” on them.   I questioned their authenticity even as I hid mine.

As I got into my car and took a deep breath, I began to have a sense I was in “shadow” territory.

What is the Shadow?

The shadow is the part of ourselves we hide, repress, deny, rationalize.  It is a container for the aspects of ourselves we judge as unacceptable or unworthy.  For some of us, we have a side of ourselves that feels weak or needy, for others it might be controlling or angry, and for others it might be lazy and apathetic.  Most of us have all these shadow qualities.

And, we are certain if we think positively and ignore these qualities, we will be loving, peaceful and enlightened or strong, capable and in control…masters of our destiny.

Yet, the shadow shows up in all sorts of clever disguises.  We soon find ourselves around people who mirror our shadow; they draw forth the unsavory feelings inside of ourselves by pushing our buttons and reactivating unresolved anger, fear or pain.

Or, we may have dreams which reveal surprising characters playing unacknowledged shadow characteristics.  I know a rather calm person who has dreams of anger and violence; she also finds her dreams populated by animals who symbolize power and aggression.  Dreams tend to take us to hidden places in our psyche.

The shadow also shows up in the qualities of another person who pushes our buttons.   For instance, you may notice you are triggered by a person who plays the victim.   Shadow work invites you to consider: “In what area in your life are you being served by playing a victim role?”   Until you develop a sense of compassion and acceptance for the victim inside of you, it will continue to play out in your life as old emotional wounds are reactivated.

Embracing the Shadow

Debbie Ford writes: “The process of embracing our shadow side calls us to uncover the gifts and receive the wisdom hidden within each and every aspect of ourselves, particularly the ones that we are ashamed of or embarrassed by.

Rather than viewing our weakness, our smallness, our insecurities or our rage as enemies or as obstacles to moving forward in our lives, this process guides us to embrace our so-called defects as the powerful teachers that they are.”

The universe is a mirror of our own consciousness.  Shadow work is an opportunity for compassion and acceptance of self and other.   When we accept these rejected aspects of ourselves, we are more accepting of them in another.  Furthermore,  the rejected aspects of ourselves become vehicles of our own transformation.

Shadow work releases tension because we free up creative energy when we stop hiding from ourselves and others.  We may loosen individual and cultural constraints of well worn paths as we chart our own. Or, we may deepen intimacy as we are less defended; integrating the shadow self softens defensiveness.

With some reflection, I began to realize the women at lunch were mirrors of my unlived life.  I had stayed home with my children for 13 years and had insisted it was a good decision.  Yet, I’d never allowed myself to feel the loss that comes with the choice to stay home: the sense of a separate identity, the income, the book I hadn’t written, the use of talents or energies that tend not to be exercised at home.

My first instinct was to revert to the timeworn sayings about motherhood and the grace in decision I’d made to stay home, but I could feel the defensiveness in this position.   I knew this because I noticed I was a bit smug about my decision.  With time, I allowed myself to feel the loss that comes with giving up one’s profession. I found myself valuing the spectrum of choices for women and men as they balance personal and professional lives.  I recognized the pragmatic element of people’s decisions. The judgment disappeared and I grew to accept my own decisions and the inherent gifts and challenges.

I also began to discover an aspect of myself that was overly self-assured as I’d judged the women to be.  I know when I act “overly self-assured,” it is a mask for my own uncertainty and fear.  I also noticed ways in which my body reveals this pattern: accelerated speech, interrupting, a hardness in my throat.

These two women also helped me focus my attention on the work that matters to me.  My envy was a clue to the realization I tended to resist “putting myself out there” in the work that is so important to me.   I recognized my fear of criticism.  Bringing this to consciousness invited me to “feel the fear and do it anyway.”

I often wonder what another lunch would be like if I encountered them today.  I would be deceiving myself if I assumed I’d fully integrated the shadow elements these women mirrored for me.   Yet, even as I consider them now, I have more of a sense of lightness and even some humor about it all.  Shadow work has freed up a reserve of energy which has enabled me to move into a career I love.

It can be helpful to explore with others who are also looking at shadow.  If you are feeling a call to travel this journey of integration, know you are welcome to our Integral Women group, “Romancing the Shadow” this fall on Thursday mornings.

Helen Palmer and the Enneagram

Helen Palmer will be in Cincinnati from September 26th to 27th.

Contact:   leslie@lesliehershberger.com for details

Wherever You Go, There You Are

This week, someone asked me how meditation ties in with the Enneagram. Great question! So, I decided to devote this column to answering that question.

Meditation ties in so well with self-awareness and Enneagram because of its focus is on mindfulness. Welcome to your life! Time to wake up, we learn. If we live with some awareness, we are not doomed to bumble around making the same mistakes again and again (or at least if we do, we know what the heck our underlying motivation is so we can pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off and learn something!).

If we learn our Enneagram trance-the habitual type-specific reactions we repeat with regularity-imagine being able to use the power of the mindful awareness we learn in meditation as we function in our daily lives. We can actually watch ourselves when we shift on autopilot and catch ourselves “doing it again!”

That lovely breath, which calms and relaxes, can be the grounding force that reminds us to slow down and choose our response. So, if you are a:

Perfectionist, One, you can catch your comparing mind habitually comparing things against how perfect they should be against those pesky internal standards of correctness.

Giver, Two, you can catch your outwardly focused mind tuning into the emotional fluctuations of chosen others, wishing for their approval while altering yourself to please them.

Performer, Three, you can catch your mind instantly moving to your habitual identification with achievement and performance, suspending feelings until the job is done, while believing that you and your image are one in the same.

Romantic, Four, you can catch your mind amplifying the missing positives in your life and idealizing the distant and unavailable, while becoming impatient with “ordinary” feelings.

Observer, Five, you can catch your mind withdrawing from the outside world and detaching from feelings in order to maintain privacy and predictability in order to avoid emotional pain.

Loyal Skeptic, Six, you can catch your doubting mind scanning the environment for ulterior motives, untrustworthy people and worst case scenarios.

Epicure, Seven, you can catch your monkey mind jumping from one pleasant option to another, talking, planning and intellectualizing while avoiding a single course of action, in order to avoid boredom and pain.

Protector, Eight, you can catch your all-or nothing style mind focusing on intense experience and control of people, space, possessions while denying your own vulnerability.

Mediator, Nine, you can catch your mind “falling asleep” to your own position, paying attention to others’ positions, getting caught in comfortable, familiar habits, while containing your own physical energy, anger, and life force.

Jon Kabat-Zinn writes in, “Wherever You Go, There You Are,”

“To allow ourselves to be truly in touch with where we already are, no matter where that is, we have got to pause in our experience long enough to let the present moment sink in; long enough to actually feel the present moment, to see it in its fullness, to hold it in awareness and thereby come to know and understand it better. Only then can we accept the truth of this moment of our life, learn from it, and move on. Instead, it often seems as if we are preoccupied with the past, with what has already happened, or with a future that hasn’t arrived yet.

We look for someplace else to stand, where we hope things will be better, happier, more the way we want them to be, or the way they used to be. Most of the time we are only partially aware of this inner attention, if we are aware of it at all.

What is more, we are also partially aware at best of exactly what we are doing in and with our lives, and the effect our actions and, more subtly, our thoughts have on what we see and don’t see, what we do and don’t do.

Meditation may help us see that this path we call our life has direction; that it is always unfolding, moment by moment; and that what happens now, in this moment, influences what happens next.”

So, welcome to the strikingly simple path back to yourself. You are the only one who can authentically walk it. No longer will you let your days, months and years go by unnoticed, unused and unappreciated because you know that what is unconscious will just color the next moment. Open your eyes. As Kabat-Zinn writes “It’s your life that is unfolding. Wherever you go, there you are.”

Just beginning to learn the Enneagram and meditation? Here are some easy starter steps:

1. Watch your habit of mind. When you walk into an unfamiliar situation, what is your instinctive mindset? Check the above Enneastyles and see if any resonate for you. If you are unsure, try one that seems like you for a few days and see if it “fits you.”
2. Try NOT doing your habitual reactions. If you are a One, for example, try not to compare yourself or anyone else to a perfect (and impossible) standard. If you are a Nine, try to talk for a moment about yourself in a conversation. Then do it a little longer. What feelings, thoughts and sensations surface?
3. Sit for 5-10 minutes and go limp. Inhale deeply, tense, then relax your muscles. Let your mind roam freely. Watch where it goes and listen to what it say, patiently, non-judgmentally. If nothing else, you may feel relaxed and renewed afterwards. Or, you may find that you would rather have a root canal then sit silently for ANY amount of time! You’re not alone.

   This powerful source of liberation from stress is one that many initially avoid. It just takes a little practice. Yet, this discomfort with quiet time can also be a clue to understanding your type preoccupations. Computer solitaire is a lot more desirable than sitting with a lot of unprocessed emotional gunk-who needs it, you may ask? You.

I promise-with a little time, some discipline and some focused attention, you will find yourself living the life you are called to live.

Watching the Monkey Mind

Six years I’ve been meditating and I have mornings like this: I sit in my chair. I squirm. I notice that my feet are cold and I go grab a blanket. There. That’s better. Breathe deeply. Aaah, that feels so good. So relaxing. I’m kind of hungry. Should I go grab a bowl of cereal first? I don’t want to get the shakes. I hate the shakes. But if I go downstairs, I will get distracted.

Okay, I can get through the meditation without eating first. Okay. Breathe. Pay attention to the body as it is always in the present. My sinuses feel kind of clogged this morning. Usually a good meditation helps. I wish Chris would meditate-it would really help with her chronic sinus infections. I wonder how she is doing these days. Maybe I should call her for a get together. Should we invite the kids or just spend time alone? Did Laura thank her for the Valentine she sent? I wonder if Laura got my Valentine package. Maybe she didn’t go to her mailbox because she had a bunch of tests. I wonder how she did on her test. I’ll e-mail her today.

In that brief ten seconds, my mind bounces like a monkey swinging from branch to branch. I come back to the breath and watch it on the inhale as it moves like a wave comes to the shore. I exhale and watch it move out into the endless expanse just like a wave that returns to the sea. Calm. Still. Timeless.

These days, I rarely attempt to explain my reasons for meditating. When I first began, I wanted to tell everyone about this miracle cure for that which ales you. I feel better, I would say. My visits to the doctor are almost nil, I would insist. I am less stressed. My family likes me better! The dog likes me better! Yet, in that telling, I was selling, and meditation is all about letting go and letting it be. The more I meditated, the less I felt the old need to control and push.

Why is meditation so compelling? Because it is not about squashing or extinguishing unpleasant thoughts. It is about sitting still long enough to know that you are even having them. They are no longer wild, unmanageable runaways. And right there, when you really acknowledge them, you have a choice. You can let them take over, becoming bigger and more powerful while you become more anxiety ridden and reactive.

OR, you can pay close attention to the nature of them and then consciously let them go and return to your breath. After all, the breath is the only thing that is now. You can’t breathe yesterday’s breath or tomorrow’s breath. This is it. This is real. You’ll be surprised.

Just as thoughts come and go, stress comes and goes, laughter comes and goes, anger comes and goes, and pleasure comes and goes. Yet, with meditation/mindful awareness, they come and go with a deeper level of awareness so they don’t possess such a tenacious hold on us. They are transitory! With that awareness, we act less on autopilot and more with clear and focused intention. Do you really remember what ticked you off in that moment last fall? It’s over. Now that you know this, you can mindfully choose your actions. They no longer choose you. This is meditation.

Michelle Burford, an initially reluctant meditator writes in Oprah, “You don’t have to Windex your big mess the minute you splatter it. Just get up and step to the right. Stand there. Notice how your feet feel on the ground. Notice that you’re still above ground. Take that news in. Or resist it and settle into your misery, then notice that’s what you’re doing. Decide you won’t judge yourself for judging yourself. Judge yourself some more, then cut it out again. Breathe in, breathe out.” When stressful thoughts come in, watch them, thank them for their opinion, and then let them go.

After meditating for awhile, I noticed something else. I actually began to taste my dinner before the whole thing was gone. I started to notice that the moon on my morning and evening walks moves across the sky on a very predictable path. The house that I pass on my daily drive has a purple door. Honest. I had never noticed. Too busy getting from Point A to Point B. And, there are two morning doves who live on my porch arbor. I wonder how long they have lived there.

Now, for those who say, “I can’t do it,” I say three things. One, no meditation is a bad meditation. Just doing it each day begins to open you up to new insights. It might be as simple as whenever you sit still, you notice that your neck is always stiff. Or that your breath is short and shallow.

Second, if you play tennis for the very first time, you know you aren’t going to be Martina the first time out. Be patient with yourself. It just takes some practice.

Third, if the sitting is killing you, start with a walking meditation. Begin to notice your legs. Can you feel them? How are the feet? Notice your breath when you walk. See if it has its own kind of rhythm. Take in the crisp air and notice the birds who are returning to their northern homes.

You can do this. I promise. They are teaching it to preschoolers these days because they notice the kids pay better attention. A lovely idea.

I still eat fast. I still snap at my kids and get mad at the dog. And, I still am frustrated by people who bellow into their cell phones at Starbucks when I am drinking a latte. The difference is this: I notice my judgments and patterns of thought. I catch myself jamming in a cookie and actually try to slow down and taste it. I am faster on the uptake. It’s empowering and humbling all at the same time. There is so much to take in. There is so much I missed as I rushed through my life.

I can actually fully live this life that I am living. The monkey in my mind moves a bit more slowly these days. I breathe the same air as those who I love and those whom I have never met. As the breath comes and goes, I am reminded of the ever changing nature of things. And right in between those breaths, I discover time and space for a lovely moment of gratitude.

Tell Me Your Story

I sit in an ethics class and we examine an ethical dilemma in the daily newspaper. We discuss the shooting of an African American male by a New York City police officer. I am vocal in my defense of the police officer, citing the challenges of facing fearful, frightening situations day after day. I put myself in his shoes and share my views from his perspective.

After I finish, an African American student turns around and speaks in a soft spoken voice. I listen, as he shares his story. It is a story not unlike the teens who come through my door daily… sports, activities, school, and friends. Yet, his story veers dramatically when he speaks the words his mother tells him. “When you get pulled over by the police, be respectful and don’t give him any reason at all to arrest you.”

“When.” Not “if.” The matter of fact way she uses the word, “when” moves me to the core. I don’t raise my son with the expectation that he WILL be pulled over. It’s an “if.” This young man continues to state the countless times he has been detained and questioned by the police. His tone is matter of fact, yet resigned. A middle aged African American woman begins to share her story of a businessman husband who is regularly pulled from the security line at the airport for questioning (these were pre 9/11 days). She says he is often embarrassed as he travels with white co-workers who witness this recurrent act.

I do some research and learn this: Just as I have a list of life lessons I teach my children, African American mothers have their own list. At the top of this list is the imperative of learning how to act when talking to a police officer. They know it will happen again and again. And again.

Your reactions to the above story will be shaped by your own story. It will be shaped by your life experience, the friends in your inner circle, your neighborhood, your income, your profession, the people whom you have met, the ideology of your parents and friends, the newspapers and books you read, your personality type, and your religious and/or spiritual faith. The gifts and the wounds you carry flavor your reactions. Your ability to touch the most heartfelt place of your own story, add another dimension.

I cannot speak of the African American experience because I am a white woman. I cannot speak of the journey of cancer for I have never sat in a chair and heard a doctor give me a diagnosis that would profoundly alter my life. Neither can I understand the experience of an Afghan woman living under the burkah nor that of the Iraqi mother who lives in fear for her childrens’ lives and future. I have not lived the life of a soldier nor have I had to shoot a gun to save my life or the lives of others. I have not lived a life scarred by war, poverty and hopelessness nor have I endured the pain of abuse or addiction. These are not my stories. I have my own.

I do have a sort of fellowship with those who have loved and lost someone to cancer. I know the grief of losing a family member too young and the abounding gratefulness for friends who help heal an aching heart. I have watched a husband care for a father with Parkinson’s disease so my attention heightens whenever I hear of someone walking that journey. I understand the fear of a radical life change and embarking on a new career path. I know the risk and loneliness of taking an unpopular stance and holding ground when my foundations begin to shake and respected leaders reveal their human flaws.

These are just some of my stories. What are yours? For whom do you feel an uncommon empathy? Chances are, the compassion is rooted in your story. Have you noticed how your judgments soften when you or someone you love has walked the walk of anything from depression to addiction to homosexuality to financial loss to weight gain to divorce?

In my coaching practice and the classes I teach, I notice that those who face the truth of their own story are remarkably open to others. Their judgments soften and they listen more deeply. They know that just as our lives are full of moments infused with joy and grace, there are also moments of disappointment and sorrow.

Our capacity for compassion is in direct proportion to our ability to own our story, touch our own truth and forgive ourselves and those who have hurt us. It is rooted in the awareness that I can never fully understand your story for I have not walked in your shoes. Yet, I can listen with an open mind and an open heart.

Compassion is not pity nor is it a call to “victimhood.” It simply says, “If I were born in another time or another place with a different face from a different mother, my story might be more like yours.” We walk together in compassion because your story is ultimately my story. We connect in the desire for love, appreciation, and simple kindness.

Compassion is not a call to moral relativism-challenging decisions must be made. My ethics professor encouraged us to hold opposing views and contradictions in a tenuous balance. Then, he taught us to present a coherent position and a workable solution. Yet, the most valuable insight he gave us was the moral imperative to never cease listening to others. He taught us to have the courage to change our minds when necessary. He led by example when he resisted demonizing those whose worldview was unlike his.

He taught me to listen in a whole new way. Resist assuming a righteous, superior stance. Maintain a willingness to hear another perspective especially when it conflicts with one I defend. Pay close attention the marginalized in the community, the workplace and the world-those with less power have a particularly difficult time getting their story to be heard.

The power of the story is unparalleled. The power of compassion lies at the core of every religious and wisdom tradition. We live in a time of war, uncertainty and political and cultural divisiveness. The times call us to understand our own story-its gifts and limitations and surrender to the realization that others have an equally compelling story to tell. Listen and know you are the mustard seed who can transform the world.

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Books and movies have the power to tell unheard stories that move us deeply. I share some of my recent favorites-perhaps you can spend an afternoon during the holiday season and step into an unknown world:

Books that Widened My Perspective:

Fiction:

Reading Lolita in Teheran by Azar Nafisi
Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien
The Life of Pi by Yann Martel
Falling Leaves by Adeline Yen Mah
My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult
Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver
The Color Purple by Alice Walker
The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
Traveling Mercies Anne Lamott
Ishmael by Daniel Quinn
The Old Turtle by Douglas Wood (Children’s book)
The Old Turtle and the Broken Truth by Douglas Wood (Children’s book)

Non-Fiction:

Dance of the Dissident Daughter by Sue Monk Kidd
Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser
The Cloister Walk by Kathleen Norris
The Power of Personal Storytelling: Spinning Tales to Connect with Others by Jack Maguire
Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankel
Night by Elie Wiesel

Go to www.amazon.com for synopses and reviews

Films That Enlighten and Share Another Perspective. (These are the recent films I can’t get out of my mind)

The Insider
Hotel Rwanda (documentary)
Super Size Me (documentary)
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
Dead Man Walking
The Mission
Finding Neverland (grownups will love this reminder to never lose a sense of wonder)

If you have any books or films to recommend, I would love to hear-I am always on the look out for good reads and good films.

Soulful Response

Have you ever caught yourself playing spiritual arithmetic? You observe the Sabbath by going to church/synagogue/mosque, you obey the fasts, follow the rituals, memorize the scriptures, you play by the rules of the community. Or maybe you shoot a prayer out every once in awhile when things get stressful. You buy a cute angel, an inspirational plaque, stick it on the shelf and pepper your language with God or Jesus every once in awhile in order to add weight to your statement.

If you’re not the church going kind, maybe you have an inner spiritual practice. You meditate or pray, read spiritual books, walk in nature and experience the sacred. You are on a journey of self-awareness and have been waking up to the gifts and the shadow that you previously denied. You are comfortable exploring your “inner terrain.” Perhaps you work with a spiritual director, counselor, coach or pastor as you deepen your spiritual path. You feel more grounded and centered.

Perhaps you are engaging in some self-care for the first time in a long time. You are discovering your passion, identifying your inner calling. Perhaps this includes shifting careers or shifting relationships that are draining your soul. It may mean discovering a new talent that you do as a profession or hobby. I have seen friends and clients who begin to hunger for some sort of creative outlet to nourish the soul. When they find it, they feel a surge in their life force.

These measuring sticks of our life journey are vital gauges of spiritual and personal development, but they are partial. The full measure of wholeness lies inside the terrain of human community. When we sit in a pew, a quiet meditation chair or beside a rushing stream, we allow ourselves vital moments of stillness and repose. We recharge our batteries. But, a truly contemplative life always calls us back to others. We carry our insights and wisdom and embody them as we live, work and play with those around us.

This does not mean we bring a sort of faith based bullying into the workplace or into our personal relationships. We have seen plenty of that in the past decade and we know that simply serves to divide us from one another. Francis of Assissi, a man whose life was rooted in the Christian tradition, said, “Preach the gospel and if you must, use words.” In other words, the wisdom you gain in solitude or worship must always translate into compassionate action. Gandhi wrote, “BE the change you want to see in the world.

So, what is a soulful response? It unfolds in every moment and tests your mettle in the most surprising of ways. It leads you to confront your demons. When you are challenged by someone who is inflexible and stubborn, you will have to confront your own intransgiency. You meet someone who seems cold and uncaring and you face the parts inside of you who want to close the shades to others’ pain. You hear a call from someone who is sick or dying and you face your own fears of your physical limitations and loss.

Soulful response happens in personal and professional relationships amongst the people we love the most and the least. Joan Chittister writes that “Our response to the human race becomes the measuring stick of the quality of our souls.” How are we responding?

In the past six months, we have witnessed an election divide our country, so we are called to respond with reconciliation and healing even if it is in the smallest of ways.

In my local community, we experienced the loss of a young mother and community volunteer and had to face our own sense of helplessness, loss and vulnerability. We are called to respond to the family in the lonely months that follow long after the shock has dissipated.

Recently, a new movie was released that details the holocaust of our time in Rwanda. It shares the story of the region’s own Oscar Schindler who saved countless souls when the world was silent. We all bear this burden-the challenge is not to wallow in guilt, nor become defensive or accusatory.

Soulful response demands that we reflect once again, open our hearts once again, and allow life to be our greatest teacher. What can I learn about myself from the stories in the newspaper?

We are called to ask ourselves, how can I be a voice for justice when a piece of me wants to close my eyes because I cannot take on the world’s suffering. It’s just too much. My kid is fretting over exams, my family has the flu, my work is sucking the lifeblood out of me and I’m worried about my Mom.

Soulful response never demands you backburner the needs of your family. Nor does it require you to neglect self-care. When we are weary from compassion fatigue, it is time to rejuvenate our own souls. Real love grows from a foundation of self-love and self-care.

Yet, care is not limited to just me (egocentric care) or People Like Me (ethnocentric care). Yes, care for oneself is foundational for human wholeness. Care for People Like Us, generates strong families and communities. The spiritual circle is truly complete when we care for all regardless of race, class, creed, culture or gender. This worldcentric care is the greatest calling because it summons us outside our comfortable insularity.

My butcher understood this when he said to me as his eyes filled, “Y’know what I was thinking when I watched the news last night? Those people in the tsunami were parents, just like me. All they want to do is love their kids and they had to helplessly watch them be swept out to sea, screaming their name.” This single father, raising a young son by himself, allowed his heart to be cracked wide open-such courage heals a wounded world.

The greatest courage is when we respond with action. My friend, Joyce, reaffirmed this to me one night last week. She left on my doorstep a gift. She had quilted me a beautiful handbag as a gesture of gratitude. Tucked in the bag was a note. She wrote that she was enclosing a Wall Street Journal article to respond to last month’s e-column request for stories that opened your heart and mind to others. The article, written by Suketa Mehta, was a poignant cry for help for victims of the tsunami. It closed with these lines:

“There is only one way to bring back some faith, some hope, some belief to those people who have lost it all. God wasn’t there when the tsunami struck; but God lives in us, better late than never. We must let Subhani and Seenu and Mahalingam keep their sanity, their sense of moral order in the universe, by reaching out to them. Even more important than the scale of the help is the simple gesture, of a human hand reaching out across the giant ocean, with money, with medicine, with technical expertise; in its own way as powerful, as majestic, as unstoppable as the tsunami itself.”

Joyce’s soulful response engendered my family’s soulful response to the tsunami victims. You see, it begins in the simplest of ways when the light in one soul strikes the match and lights the soul of the other.

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