My son and I were talking today about our frustration with discussions in these polarized times. We both shared how we hold some perspectives that would be considered “liberal” and some that would be considered “conservative.”  He likes to dig deeper into perspectives. He will change his mind if you offer a good argument.  We both are animated and to some, can be overly passionate.  

This video rocks as it explores the notion of 21st century enlightenment.  Social empathy and a more socially embedded model of autonomy that doesn’t repudiate the rights of the individual is one of the markers 21st c. enlightenment.  

Favorite quotes:

“What enhances and what diminishes our empathic capacity?   We might look, for example at the way popular culture popular culture inclines us to think of other people for example distinguish between the healthy activity of public disagreement vs. the unhealthy habit of public disparagement.”

Disagreement healthy. Disparagement unhealthy.  It’s a good baseline.  

Another:

Successfully functioning in society with its diverse values, traditions and lifestyles requires us to have a relationship with our reactions rather than be captive of them to resist our tendency to make Right or True that which is merely familiar and Wrong or False that which is only strange. 

My sister tells me she has a neighbor say, “That’s weird” to any idea that might invite her to put one toenail outside the box.  Different. Strange. Those people.  That book or movie. That performer. Now, Neighbor of My Sister’s…what might that say about YOU?

Here’s the good news…empathy increases when you look inside yourself and develop a relationship to your habitual reactions.  I remember teaching meditation and an interior reflection to a woman’s group.  One of the women said, “Meditation and all this self-awareness stuff is selfish.”  

Research shows the opposite.  You actually become more empathic.

Self-awareness reigns.   

• Phone consult to clarify client desires
• 50 minute typing interview
• 40 minute debrief in which I explain my observations and perceptions during the interview. The Enneagram is a system of self-discovery so I give you 1-3 types to explore so you can make your own observations. In this time, we also discuss patterns that you have noticed and I share the subtle ways the patterns present themselves in the ways you think, feel and sense.
• A brief explanation of wings, security and stress points
• A brief explanation and follow up e-mail of self-development practices for your type
• The book, The Essential Enneagram by David Daniels, MD and Virginia Price
• Price: $125

Time: 6:45-8:45

Often, relationship challenges are rooted in the assumption that others must change for us to be happy.  Yet, the Enneagram offers a deep self understanding and tools to help us look inside of ourselves in order to heal, strengthen and develop our personal and professional relationships.

If you are registering two or more of you who are in relationship (partner, family member, work colleague), please click here to register for the discounted fee.

When: 9/30, 10/7, 10/21, 10/28, 11/11, 11/18, 12/2, 12/16

Where: Hyde Park Health Care Center

Time: 9:15-11:30

Cost: $219 (no one is turned away due to financial challenges; please let us know if you need a break in fee)

Oftimes, we want certainty and many religions and ideologies tend to feed that need.   But, what if we could be comfortable with uncertainty?  What if we could embrace mystery and paradox and allow our hearts to be truly transformed?

What if we could hold the notion that the reason religious wars exist, is because sacred texts are read through a developmental lens of our own consciousness?  The clash is not a clash of religion…it is a clash of interpretation.

This group is for Christians and non-Christians as we are moving beyond clinging to dogma and looking inward to spiritual transformation and outward to compassionate action in the world.  (For more about this, you may want to read Leslie’s column about this emerging movement)

Integral Christianity is one of the ways of naming this unfolding. Some significant characteristics include:

• A movement from outer authority structures to an inner authority.
• An inclusion of many traditional practices of the past even as we let transcend old paradigms and embrace the unfolding mystery.
• A “third way” of knowing which is swimming in paradox.
• Deeply relational with self, other and the divine.
• Communal and deeply ethical as it invites us to reflect on our obstacles to Love: our personality biases, our cultural assumptions, our actions in the world.

So how do we grow up?

How do we cultivate a spiritual intelligence that invites a radical change of heart offered by Jesus?  How do we develop intimacy with self, other and the divine?

I’ve no simple answers as this unfolding is communal.

We explore these questions inside of ourselves and with one another.  We don’t rely on quick fixes or quick answers.

We explore the notion of paradox in self, other, and in the culture in which we live.  We cultivate a third eye which is open to mystery, spaciousness and the capacity to see patterns in our lives.

We examine difficult questions of human suffering,  painful relationships, social injustice and conflicting views of contemporary morality.

We will be reading, “The Naked Now: Learning to See as the Mystics See” by Richard Rohr.  You will need to purchase this book.

We will be doing practices from, “The Instruction Manual for Receiving God” by Jason Shulman (purchase of this book is optional).

Class includes:

• Guided meditation
• Discussion
• Small group sharing
• Random acts of kindness…reflecting on the integration of contemplation and compassionate action and the remembrance that giving and receiving are the same thing.
• “Third eye” training (shifting from either/or thinking, relaxing into a receptive state which reduces defensiveness and increases clarity and openness).

Daily contemplative practice is strongly encouraged.  You will be given prompts which will help you learn how to cultivate an inner life and times for silence.

Dates:

9/22,
10/6, 10/20
11/3, 11/17
12/1, 12/15
1/5, 1/19
2/9, 2/23
3/9, 3/23
4/6, 4/20
5/4, 5/18
6/1, 6/15

Cost: $519.  May be paid in three installments of $177.

No one is turned away due to financial limitations.  Please talk to Leslie if this is an issue.

“Contemplation, rightly understood, does not plunge us into a pit of narcissism but returns us to the needs of the world with clarity and commitment. A receptive listener provides witness to our discovery of inner truth.” Parker Palmer

The spiritual path is simply learning to receptively participate in the Ground of Love.

Contemplation is a long, loving look at the Real and a contemplative life is one lived in awareness.  Awareness combined with spiritual practice reduces defensiveness, deepens understanding and births compassion.

This group is a 10 month advanced group for people who have completed a minimum of two Integral classes or Integral Women groups (or similar groups), who know their Enneagram type and who are willing to take the next step of going deeper.

This group is almost full so if you are interested, please contact Leslie at leslie@lesliehershberger.com as soon as possible so we can have a phone conversation to determine readiness.

In this group we dig more deeply into our own transformation.

Modules include:

• Overview of the Map: Understanding my map exquisitely well for this is how change happens
• Transcend and Include: Understanding my developmental movement through levels of consciousness and how my type impacts this development
• Neurobiology of Type and Somatics: type is wired into the brain in a fight, flight, freeze response.  Attention must be given to the body’s response so we can work in collaboration with the body
• Projection and Shadow
• Defense Mechanisms in Relationships
• The Instinctual Subtypes: Self -Preservation, Social, One on One (Sexual)
• Secondary Gains: What do I get from being this type?
• The Holy Ideas of the Nine Types: Each type expresses an essential divine quality when the ego gets out of the way.  This is called the “Holy Idea.”
• Masculine/Feminine Typology with speaker Andrea Ciarfardini who offers the yogic perspective

Group includes integral practices of Body, Mind, Spirit and Shadow:

1.    Bodywork: Somatic Experiences in each session, attending to care for the body with diet and exercise
2.   Mindwork: Learning our own personal map and framing that map within the groups we encounter daily
3.   Spiritwork: While you choose a regular practice to do at home, we do different meditations each week so you can get a sense of your own preferences.  These include:

• Centering Prayer
• 3-2-1 of God
• Breath Meditation
• Object Contemplation
• Compassionate exchange (a way to move freely through perspectives instead of over identifying with yours)
• Big Mind/Big Heart process

4.    Shadow-work: 3-2-1 Shadow, Dreams
5.   Auxiliary Practices: Typically, people have inner and outer resources that work for them when they experience stress.  It’s important to learn to trust your own intuitive voice.

You will develop a 10 month Integral Life Practice with partner/group support

Each participant receives:

• A binder for handouts which include a template design for creation of your own practices, a color handout on levels of consciousness, Enneagram related articles and instructions for practices like Centering Prayer, Breath meditation, Compassionate Exchange
• A discounted private session with Leslie to develop a personal Integral Life Practice which works with type related obstacles/openings and with your preferences and lifestyle in mind
• Group support (we will be creating small groups of 2-3 to support one another between sessions and in case someone is out of town.
• Three mp3 meditations

It is recommended that participants attend the Helen Palmer workshop in September as she is teaching spiritual practice and discussing type related obstacles.

To pay in installments, click here.

As many of you know, I am a certified teacher of the Enneagram, an outstanding system for self-understanding based on nine personality types. Rather than put you in a box, awareness of your Enneatype breaks you out of your box by helping you overcome barriers to well-being. It identifies gifts and challenges of each type, communication style, leadership style, parenting style, and stressors. Awareness of your type and others’ type improves personal and professional relationships.

Geoff, a client of mine, recently said, “When we first started our coaching, I was pretty skeptical when you told me to watch my thoughts, habits and feelings. I mean, I asked you to help me grow my business, and you were talking about watching my thought patterns! Now, I see that awareness is everything!

A Six on the Enneagram, he began to notice the subtle ways he held himself back from achieving his goals. He watched his doubting mind and was surprised by what he observed. When we would develop an action plan for building his business in a coaching session, he noticed the ways he began to doubt it before he got back in his car. His habit of mind focuses on worst case scenarios and he comes up with a litany of reasons why the plan won’t work. In the past, he would have procrastinated, cancelled an appointment (withdrawal, common when a Six feels stress), or he may have conveyed his anxiety to his clients as he moved forward.

With a little awareness and some simple strategies, he has been able to see through these thought patterns. When he begins to doubt an action, he now checks in with himself. Is this a legitimate concern? Does he have corroborating evidence to back up this worst case scenario? More often than not, he has discovered that actual evidence is in short supply. What are some positive outcomes, he asks himself. Positive scenarios are a challenge for him to envision, so we have done some relaxation exercises in order to loosen his resistance.

His change in a short time has been remarkable. His willingness to roll up his sleeves and work hard serves him well. If Sixes support an action, they are dedicated hard workers. I have to occasionally remind him of his progress as he tends to have amnesia when it comes to the goals he has achieved.

I recently listened to the story of a Three, the Performer on the Enneagram, who spent a week in silent retreat. This woman, whose entire worldview insists that one must be constantly busy, task and goal-oriented, and productive to have any inherent value, spent a week alone. She noticed things she had never noticed before. Simple things like the rushing of a creek, the soulful song of a mourning dove, and the blue of a winter sky moved her to tears.

She had missed the serenity of a day spent in nature as she ran from goal to goal. She expressed surprise that people seem to enjoy this more authentic version of herself. She still works hard in her job, but she makes her way through the world with a heart that has opened.

These stories illustrate the power of self-awareness. Daniel Goleman insists that self-awareness is THE critical Emotional Intelligence competency. Social and personal competence begins with self-confidence, emotional awareness and an ability to accurately self-assess. The Enneagram is unsurpassed in assisting us in making some honest assessments of our strengths and weaknesses.

The key is cultivating a strong Inner Observer. What is an Inner Observer, you may ask. Try this: Take three deep, slow breaths, close your eyes and count your thoughts for one minute. Who is doing the counting? The Inner Observer. The Inner Observer, a neutral, observing self, can witness the patterns that keep you stuck. It shoots holes in your limited worldview.

It “outs” your debilitating patterns that keeps you stuck in repetitive conflicts, self-defeating behaviors, and in fear of change.

If you are a One, it busts your assumption that you, your co-workers, your children and your spouse must constantly strive toward perfection to find a measure of serenity.

If you are a Two, it “outs” your insistence that you have no needs of your own and that self-care is selfish. It knows that you do not have to give until you are drained in order to get the love and care you need.

If you are a Three, your observer knows that you are NOT only as good as your last accomplishment. You are a human being, not a “human doing.” Love can come even when you are not the star. Those who truly love you, love you-not your role

If you are a Four, your observer shoots a hole in your belief that you will be rejected or slighted by others. Intensity of feelings is the juice that revs your engines, but with some self-awareness, you find a measure of peace in balance and equanimity.

If you are a Five, your observer notices how you detach from others and hide behind a world of intellect and ideas, covering your warmth and compassion. The observer knows you will not be swallowed up when you allow yourself to experience your feelings.

If you are a Six, your observer knows that underneath your fear and doubt in yourself and others, lies extraordinary courage and loyalty. The observer will help you shift your attention from worst case thinking to realistic assessment of situations as they arise.

If you are a Seven, your observer reveals your fear of boredom, pain and limitations. When you allow yourself to slow down, and pay attention to the present moment rather than escaping to the next exciting plan, you discover the joy, depth and fulfillment that comes with commitment.

If you are an Eight, your observer busts your need for power and control and your insistence that this world is unjust and unfair-it allows you to soften to your own vulnerability knowing that you will always be a strong presence who is grounded in what is true.

If you are a Nine, your observer sees the subtle ways you forget yourself by caring for everyone’s agenda but your own. It begins to notice the way you passively-aggressively express your anger with stubbornness and quiet resistance. It calls you home to your own position-those who care will support you as you maintain your boundaries and express your own ideas.

Below are some suggested books and web pages to help you determine your type. Work with the suggestions and do the practices. Reading a book is just a beginning. A well done workshop is even better. Yet, if you stop there, the insights will fade. Change comes with daily action.

www.authenticenneagram.com
www.internationalenneagram.org

The Enneagram by Helen Palmer
The Essential Enneagram by David Daniels
Bringing Out the Best in Yourself at Work by Ginger Lapid Bogda
The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson

Do the suggested awareness practices given to you by the book, web page or your executive/personal coach. Notice your resistance. (I worked with a client who was not sure she was a One. I asked her to make a deliberate mistake once a day for a week. She came in to the next session laughing-”Okay, okay I’m a perfectionist. I had so much anxiety, it was unbelievable. I think I am finally making a connection with my colitis and my perfectionism. My husband said I was uptight and I thought something was wrong with him!”) Her next assignment consisted of enjoying a day without any self-improvement agenda-enjoyment for enjoyment’s sake. Even as she enjoyed her day, her observer noticed the guilt that crept into her awareness).

If you feel like you need a partner to help you get “unstuck,” work with a trained, competent coach who will help you notice what you cannot see because of your limited filter. A coach is a partner who can help you stay focused and on track, make desired changes, and hold you accountable to an action plan. A coach observes patterns that keep you stuck and assists you in developing self -awareness so you act with intention instead of reacting on autopilot.

Take time for a retreat. I receive countless notices about retreats in our area that are geared towards personal and/or spiritual renewal and transformation. I know many of the teachers and they are competent, dedicated professionals.

Develop a relaxation, meditation and/or contemplative prayer practice. Can we cultivate self-awareness if we can’t take a moment to slow down and reflect? There are a number of books, tapes and teachers to assist you. Stress is the number reason for doctor visits-your mind, body and spirit are wonderful teachers reminding us that we are human BEINGS, not human DOINGS. Whoever thought of the idea of Sabbath was onto something.

If you are interested in learning more about the Enneagram, attend an introductory workshop, or a more advance one if you have been working with the Enneagram. Cincinnati has one of the highest per capita of Enneagram teachers in the world! We have a supportive and collaborative community. There are a number of executive/personal coaches, teachers, spiritual directors, counselors and ministers who are trained in this system.

Some day is now. We spend endless time and money on activities and things-computers, TV, new clothes, better bodies, better hair, better houses. We run ourselves, our children ragged and we feel restless when we stop for a moment to experience the sacred life that lies right in the moment. Richard Rohr says, “We are a circumference people with little access to the center. We live on the boundaries of our lives, confusing edges with essence, too quickly claiming the superficial as substance.” We usually wait until suffering, loss, depression, or grief to pay attention to the essence of our lives. Life calls us today and every day. Some day is now.