Rejoice in your growth, in which you naturally can take no one with you, and be kind to those who remain behind, and be sure and calm before them and do not torment them with your doubts and do not frighten them with Your confidence or joy, which they could not understand.

Seek yourself some sort of simple and loyal community with them, which need not necessarily change as you yourself become different and again different; love in them life in an unfamiliar form and be considerate of aging people, who fear that being-alone in which you trust. 

Avoid contributing material to the drama that is always stretched taut between parents and children; it uses up much of the children’s energy and consumes the love of their elders, which is effective and warming even if it does not comprehend.

Ask no advice from them and count upon no understanding; but believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance and trust that in this love there is a strength and a blessing, out beyond which you do not have to step in order to go very far!…..But Your solitude will be a hold and home for you even amid very unfamiliar conditions and from there you will find all your ways…

Rainer Marie Rilke

We’ve a need to blame and a desire for revenge when we’re hurt.   I see this in myself and I see how easily I repeat family patterns which cause me to try to get from others what they are incapable of giving me due to their emotional imprinting.  Childhood lasts a lifetime.  

We’ve needy little selves who create drama whenever someone mirrors some past memory that we never quite got around to integrating.  I’ve a rather predictable story and I’m usually cast in the starring role of Martyr.  

I’m finally finding my way to peace and it’s through the simple (albeit occasionally annoying) act of not judging the damn thing.  Loving the Martyr, forgiving the Martyr, not trying to change, fix, advise, save or understand the Martyr.  Love. When I do it, I feel a pop inside of me.

But then I run into a glitch.  It’s you.  You hurt me.  You let me down. You were arrogant and righteous. You didn’t cop to your part in this drama which in my Martyr playbook looks something like a lack of support.

So, I try something I learned when I used to say my prayers at night.  I can’t seem to get there on my own.   I ask for help in forgiving you and forgiving myself.   And, wonder of wonders, it works.  I’m humbled.  It cuts through my righteousness, my arrogance and my need for you ‘fess up. In his book, The Presence Process, Michael Brown writes that

“Prayer is a tool for neutralizing arrogance and gaining an awareness of peace….forgiveness can’t be forced nor accomplished mechanically because it’s ‘the right thing to do.’ So, this is why we humbly get down on our knees and ask whatever we understand our source to be an assist in this matter…by asking for assistance in this matter, we dismantle the fortress of arrogance and neutralize the venom of anger.”

By god, he’s right.

Sometimes I find it a challenge to teach about this triad through the written word because not only does language can fall short, but we also have minimal cultural proficiency with accessing our “felt sense” or what is sometimes called our somatic awareness.  I’ve found the best teaching is through exercises that offer an experience.  So, with that caveat, I’ll do my best (with the help of Zuercher) to offer some insight.  

This triad often experiences life as a struggle so issues of power, control, boundaries and space tend to be themes.  There is a sort of ongoing struggle between standing in the inner world and the outer world.  Each seems to require something different. Surrender can be difficult as it implies a sense of being overwhelmed or what some in this triad say, “annihilated.”  So, there can be a tendency to judge, criticize and perfect in order to gain some sense of control and even moreso, a sense of re.  In a given situation, they have an almost instinctive, “yes, this,” “no, not that,” or sometimes, especially with the 9 space, a sense of ambivalence.  (One One tells me “Trying to come up with the best answer/response creates ambivalence).  Thus, their attraction/avoidance dance is one of obedience/defiance…I WILL/I WON’T. 

Considerations in Contemplative Practice for Body Types

Emotions are felt instinctively and can feel overwhelming so there is a sort of shutting them down almost as fast as they arise so there are a lot of unprocessed emotions carried and armored in the body.  Touching an interior place of innocence is valuable for all three types in this triad as it’s a space of vulnerability before the tendency towards an interior hardening/numbing of their life force that came with life experience.    The hardening/numbing can show up in the body as a sort of rigid stance and in the cognitive/emotional life as cynicism, numbing, complaining, negativity and a general feeling of malaise.   Anger is helpful to access as it is a useful emotion/energy that helps them know what matters and what is important.  Dancing is a useful practice as there is a letting go and allowing the body to dance itself.  I went to Baja with a body type friend of mine and in the distance, saw her dancing on the beach. She returned to tell me she was “dancing with the whales.”  

The perceptual (mental) filter is the buried function for this triad, so journaling is helpful to track and link events and to make connections.  I’ve found this triad amazing when working with metaphor, image and symbol for it evokes emotions and somatic responses that loosen the stuck places and help them shift the obsessive loop of inner thoughts.  I once did an object contemplation exercise with a group and a 9 and a 1 both shared powerful experiences of simply gazing at a flower from their respective gardens.   So, the journaling may simply be images, photos, drawings.  My 9 daughter used to fill her journal with things and images she’d collected; she also wrote a lot of poetry which enabled her to contact the emotional space through a medium that spoke to her.  While the heart types are challenged with going inside the inner space and the head types are challenged with going to the messiness of the exterior world, the body types struggle with both…there is a sort of sliding back and forth between the two with a tendency to get stuck in one and ignore the other.  There is an either/or, this/that quality.  This is why the image work is powerful as it seems to soften the boundary between the two. 

This can extend to work with dreams…record the dream in the present tense, highlight the images from the dream and free associate what the image might mean to the dreamer.  As connections are made, a clearer picture begins to emerge.  One woman I know has been part of a long time dream group and she says it is the one place where she really glimpses the inner meanings that can elude her conscious awareness.  She shares the dream out loud to other participants which fleshes it out more deeply.  This triad can lose perspective on the past as they may hyper focus on a few elements.  Dreamwork and image work help flesh out details and emotions that had previously eluded their awareness.

Vipassana meditation is especially meaningful in this triad for it is rooted in “seeing things as they actually are.”    Thus, they relax into the flow of what is arising in the inner space and the exterior world.  This meditation is about witnessing…noticing…not judging, evaluating and assessing.  Life is no longer a problem to tackle; rather it becomes a river on which one floats.  (Because this triad can be challenged by sleep, it can be helpful to focus attention in the third eye for it is housed in the mental center.  Focusing on the hara…belly center…is not always useful in this triad as it has the potential to induce sleep). 

Finally, the practice I’ve found most reliable in this triad is connecting to the natural world.  A walk in the woods or on the beach is not about struggling, fixing and perfecting.  Life in all its power and simple beauty simply exists as it is.  The body types often see themselves as one participant within the vastness of the cosmos.  It offers perspective without the need to judge it.

All human beings are meant to be contemplatives whether they farm land, work in the factories, offices or laboratories, whether they teach in universities or preschools, or care for homes or families.  All human beings are created to be conscious and aware, to look with eyes wide open at reality.

We are born with contemplative hearts.

On the road to greater fullness, we encounter the Enneagram for it helps us see the way we back away from and hold ourselves up and out of the center of our humble truth. Suzanne Zuercher

In this class, we learn simple practices to live our life closer to our center.  In religious language (religion means to “bind together”), we might say we are living closer to God…to Love.

This authentic living extends to our relationships.

When:   Evenings, October 18, 25, November 1, 8, 15, 22
Where: Private home in Indian Hill
Time: 7:00-9:00
Fee:    $169
Book: Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat Zinn

Facilitators:

Leslie Hershberger and Sue Jones,  Enneagram Teachers in the Narrative Tradition

We will:

• Learn the meaning and practice of mindfulness
• Use mindfulness practice in all three centers:
  • Body (Grounding and sensing)
  • Head (Clearing the mind, deepening intuition)
  • Heart (Bringing mindful living to our relationships)
• Do weekly homework awareness practices and mindfulness practices
• Hear from other types in order to gain perspective and understand each other with more clarity and compassion.
• See the ways in which our very lives are a prayer.

Prerequisite:

• Introduction to the Enneagram and a capacity for self-observation. Also, be prepared to share your experience with other people; the best way to learn is to access your own experience, practice using your insights and to listen to the experience another person.
• You must know your Enneagram style.  If you need a typing interview prior to the class, please contact Leslie or Sue

Facilitators:

Leslie Hershberger, M.A., Certified Teacher in the Enneagram Studies in the Narrative Tradition with Helen Palmer and David Daniels and The Enneagram in Business with Ginger Lapid Bogda.  She is also an Enneagram/Integral Coach and founder of Integral Women.

Sue Jones is a certified teacher in the Enneagram Studies in the Narrative Tradition and The Enneagram in Business with Ginger Lapid Bogda.  She teaches the Enneagram in local high schools and organizations.

I’m always interested in what angers each type and lately, my attention has been on Nines, who are the most out of touch with their anger.  It’s not uncommon for people to say that they notice the anger in their Nine partner/child/co-worker/friend before the Nine herself knows its there.   Some thoughts on Nines and anger:

1. We often hear about Nines and conflict avoidance, but a lot of us avoid conflict which we typically see as a disagreement with another.  But, if we fine tune the word, consider the term “emotional conflict” which is more about clashing and contradictory emotions within a person and you can get  a deeper sense of the Nine avoidance.  For Nines, in day to day life, this shows up as a desire for comfort.   Nines gets triggered when their comfort is disrupted by an opposing perspective, a new idea/mindset that knocks them out of their comfort zone, a person who draws them into deeper engagement with something going on in the family, a partner, the workplace and/or the world.   (Notice the emphasis on and/or.  Some Nines are comfortable engaging in social issues, for instance, but far less comfortable working through something difficult with say, one of their kids or their partner who they simply wish would quit creating turbulence in the relationship).   Aware Nines tell me they practice staying with the discomfort just a moment longer so they build a capacity to tolerate disagreement and disruption to their idealization which is “I am peaceful.”   

If you are a Nine, notice when you feel uncomfortable.  Where is the discomfort and corresponding anger housed inside your body?  Can you breathe into it with an attitude of welcoming acceptance?  You might even want to time it and stay with it for 90 seconds while breathing gently into the discomfort.

2. If you think you can force a change in thinking on a Nine, I have an elephant for you to move.   I’ve been partnered with a Nine for over 30 years and my daughter is a Nine and forcing movement is not terribly effective.    Nines have a conservative streak (don’t think politics and religion, think of conserving energy or a closely held perspective that offers familiarity and comfort).  This holding pattern makes forcing action difficult.   Nines are the great exemplars of the notion that change Begins Within.  The more you push from the outside, the more the Nine feels the resistance inside and will tend to go stubborn. And, because this is an instinctive type, they can smell someone trying to “push the river” a mile away so let go of any notions you can sneak your desire for them to take action or change in through the back door.  

If you’re a Nine, notice when you are trying to conserve your energy if feeling pushed into action or change.  Often, this conserving ends up having the opposite effect and draining you.  Stubborn resistance is exhausting.  This does not mean you must take action or change your view.  Rather, it invites you to allow space for your anger when you feel an outside push.  The anger helps you get clear about your position without stubbornly refusing consideration of other views.  

3. Practice radical acceptance.  Acceptance is the elixir for Nines since they tend to diminish their own worth or not accept “unacceptable” emotions in themselves and others.   This isn’t about agreement; rather, it’s accepting what’s showing up.   Often Nines are told they’re comfortable to be with because “they’re so accepting” which is sometimes true…except when it’s not.   Some Nines tell me their internal state is more anxious than what they reveal on the outside.  It’s dicey and takes a good capacity for self-observation to recognize the difference between accepting and the tendency to “numb out.”. In contemplative prayer, there is a prayer called “Welcoming Prayer” in which we respond rather than react to any given situation by welcoming the divine indwelling in the thoughts, feelings and sensations inside of ourselves…radical acceptance.   

If you’re a Nine, notice the difference between acceptance and numbing out.  You might find it useful to sit in nature and allow whatever comes into your sphere of awareness.  It might be helpful to engage your body and hold out your arms in a spirit of surrender and acceptance. This includes all of you…that which makes you comfortable and uncomfortable.   Sometimes, singing or chanting is useful as music allows you to relax into the total flow of Life beyond the habitual thought loops of what is often called the obedience/defiance loop common to this type.  (I will.  I will NOT.  I will.  I will NOT.)

I’ve a close friend who is an Eight and we talk often about anger.  I used to see it as a bad thing..embarrassing, out of control and frankly, overwhelming.  She’s pointed me to a different view in which anger is an instinctual energy which is wired into our reptilian brain and is registered in our bodies.  It comes up on its own.  My 16 month old grandson helps me see this regularly.  He expresses his anger and is done with it.  

I’ve learned that anger helps us know what matters to us and when we ignore it, it tends to erupt and/or get projected onto other people. Finding channels to work with this powerful energy is useful in harnessing the energy to effect change and gain clarity.  Nines have a wellspring of energy and often anger which gets pushed down in the name of being comfortable.  The practice isn’t about being peaceful.  It’s about being real, showing up and flowing in the river of change even when it knocks you around.   

If you don’t know your type and would like to register online for a typing interview over Skype, click here.

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Alejandro, Janice and me.

When my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer 5 1/2 years ago, my initial response was the requisite, “Why her?” She’d experienced a number of life challenges and I felt as if she’d had her fill.

Yet, that was then and this is now. 

Janice took an unconventional approach to cancer by treating it not as an enemy with which to do battle but as a rather unwanted companion who had shown up to offer her insights into her feelings, her body and her relationships. 

She reflected on thought patterns that had created undue stress and began to change the way she saw the world and let go of her propensity to worry about things beyond her control. 

She chose not to reduce her interaction with the health care system to oncologists, surgeons and cell destroying meds. Nor, was she going to rely exclusively on conventional medicine to heal as she intuitively knew that she was far more familiar with her body than an oncologist whose attention focused exclusively on her cancer. 

Instead, she chose to view her body as a living organism which wanted to cooperate with her healing. She participated in an acupuncture study at Tri-Health Integrative. She received therapeutic Healing Touch the morning of each chemo treatment. Bethesda generously allowed Ceece, her Healing Touch practitioner to do a treatment pre-op and post-op. Ceece created a loving , healing environment for all of us in the waiting room as she is aware of the impact a family’s stress can have on the patient. As she worked with me, I could feel a spaciousness inside of me that facilitated a deeper level of acceptance.

Yet, it did not stop there. Recognizing the power of the mind to facilitate healing, Janice listened to guided imagery CDs which have been proven to alleviate stress and promote positive surgical outcome; her surgeon noticed that bleeding was remarkably minimal. Janice also used a set of CDs designed to invite the power of the mind to assist her in navigating the debilitating effects of aggressive chemotherapy. Her oncologist remarked upon Janice’s surprisingly minimal side effects.   (She told him her approach once her treatment was complete; she didn’t want to risk his skepticism clouding her commitment to the path she’d chosen).

She also chose to examine relationships which served her healing and those that would create stress. (This sometimes included me as she told me I loved her so much that she could feel my fear). She set clear boundaries on relationships as she reflected on her energy capacity for different encounters. She used her cancer to consider which relationships were life giving and life draining and she made necessary changes.

While she has no desire to repeat this cancer journey, she recognizes this uninvited guest became a companion that engendered a profound personal and spiritual transformation for which she is abundantly grateful. She has, in her characteristically unobtrusive fashion, offered these insights to other women experiencing cancer.

Today, we walked our 5K with my daughter and her hub, my niece, my brother-in-law and of course, withAlejandro, my grandson who thinks his Tia Janice is the next best thing to Pepperidge Farm goldfish.   

I just had a conversation with my friend who was raised in a secular Jewish household by liberal parents.  She studied for years with a spiritual guru and is one of my more interesting friends. She’s the one of the most honest, reflective people I know and she has no interest in impressing anyone except maybe her boss.  

I first met her in an Integral Theory program at JFK University and frankly was intimidated by her intellect and her low tolerance for anything I might call inauthentic drivel which I engage in occasionally.   We’ve become friends who talk regularly about Integral, our families and our lives. She encouraged me to pursue my idea of an online sangha (community) for people interested in post-traditional Christianity.  

The other day, she sent me an e-mail in which she wrote: 

one of these days i want to talk to you about the idea of someone sacrificing for your spiritual advancement.  the whole christ died for your sins thing is completely weird to me. 

It never made much sense to me either. So I explained to my friend that this misinterpretation is rooted in sketchy theology.   The Greek word being translated as “salvation” is what scholar Lynn Bauman might call “restoration to fullness of being.”  It isn’t about anyone dying FOR anyone in the typically sacrificial sense.  

Rather, it is about entering into deep communion…loving so deeply, so fully that this love unites the I and the Thou.   I’m not talking about sentimental, gushy love.  I’m talking about a fierce love which stands solid and steady in a state of open surrender to what IS in the midst of some of the biggest curve balls life throws you.  (The Buddha’s insight helps here.  Life is suffering.)

I also explained that there are other texts beyond the four familiar gospels which help flesh out the Jesus path.  This is helpful as the four gospels in the canon have been interpreted in some pretty frightening, misogynistic ways.  

These other texts include the Gospel of Thomas, the Gospel of Mary Magdalene and the Gospel of Philip. They predate the canonical gospels and Jesus has a distinctly Buddhist feel in these texts.   For instance:

If you bring forth what is within you, what you will bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.    (Nothing like the shock of recognizing our hidden selves).  

These other texts also place Mary Magdalene in the front of the room…as the one apostle who fully understood Jesus’ radical message of love.  

So I said this to my friend: “It’s as if the path of Christ consciousness hasn’t been fully realized or understood by mainstream Christianity.  It’s a case of mistaken identity.  And I see many people embarrassed and ashamed to be Christian these days and I understand that as well.  But, there is a wealth of inner, contemplative wisdom in these texts.  There is a well worn path of love.  

She said “You wouldn’t know it by what you see out there.”  

That’s because they don’t get attention.  Loud people do.  And, while I’m not a traditional Christian, I do find many traditional Christians leading a life of love.  They’re in hospices and homeless shelters feeding dying people.  There are also countless Christians, traditional and post traditional, practicing contemplation born in the wisdom path of conscious love in which the divine is not out there in an elusive far away place called heaven.  Rather, it is in the stillness of our hearts for we are participating with a divine force of love some call God.    

Renowned scholar, Huston Smith, distills Christianity to this:

We’re in good hands, and in gratitude for that fact it would be well if we bore one another’s burdens.

She found this helpful.  She said it makes more sense than using religion as what she calls a “political bludgeon.” She found Christianity frightening as a kid growing up.  No big surprise from a woman from a Jewish household.  

We also talked about the “spiritual but not religious” postmodern tendency to meld all religions into one ignoring the distinct contributions of the world religions which is useful in moving past “my way is the only way” mindset of traditional religion, but it often tends to distill wisdom to pablum.  

So, we might ask, why start over? Why throw the baby out with the bathwater?  Why not integrate ancient practices with modern and postmodern insights?   Traditionalists have much to offer in a world in which Girls Gone Wild is often seen a distorted pinnacle of sexual freedom.  

She wants to tape a conversation in which she asks me some of the more difficult questions.   I’m open.  While I’ve no interest in Christian apologetics,  I do have an interest in contributing an alternative perspective that often gets lost amidst the clamor.  

neurosis    (n-rss): A psychological state characterized by excessive anxiety or insecurity without evidence of neurological or other organic disease, sometimes accompanied by defensive or immature behaviors.

When I first read about the Enneagram subtypes, I thought they were mildly interesting.  Yet, when I dove more deeply and listened to people speak about how their drive for self-preservation, social connection and sexual/one to one intimacy affected their relationships, I had the proverbial aha moment.

• I had thought my husband was a bit neurotic about people touching his computer. (true)
• I had thought I was a bit neurotic when I couldn’t find a social group to meet my changing spirituality.  (true)
• I had thought my friend was a bit neurotic about not having a significant other in her life (true)

The truth is that when core needs rooted in primal drives were compromised, our bodies actually had an instinctive reaction as if its survival were threatened!

These drives include a need for material security (self preservation), a sense of belonging and membership (social), and the need for intimacy (one-to-one/sexual) which is rooted in the vitality of our life force.

No wonder we had an experience of neurosis.  My husband felt more compromised in the self-preservation sector while my neurosis tended to show up in the social realm when I felt the need for a group to experience a sense of belonging.  (On our honeymoon he couldn’t understand why I wanted to bond with the couple at the next table while I thought he was being anti-social.  When I told my one to one friend about it, she laughed and said, “You wanted to make new friends on your honeymoon??”).

All three instincts help us feel we have a place in the world and connect us to the web of life itself.

I began to have a deep respect for different subtypes and could understand my husband who recently said, “I feel like our subtype impacts our relationship more than our Enneagram style.”

Join us in this ongoing series, The Enneagram Deeper Dive Series as we explore the instinctual subtypes and identify how they show up in your life (images below might help you begin to identify your primary drives)

This can be used to help prepare you for the

Helen Palmer and Terry Saracino workshop coming to Cincinnati on September 17-18

Prerequisite:

• Introduction to the Enneagram and a capacity for self-observation. Also, be prepared to share your experience with other people; the best way to learn is to access your own experience, practice using your insights and to listen to the experience another person.
• You must know your Enneagram style.  If you need a typing interview prior to the class, please contact Leslie or Sue

The spiritual path is simply learning to receptively participate in the Ground of Love.

Contemplation is a long, loving look at the real and a contemplative life is one lived in awareness.

Awareness combined with spiritual practice reduces defensiveness, deepens understanding, challenges our assumptions and births compassion.

This group is a 10 month advanced group for people who have completed a minimum of two Integral classes or Integral Women groups (or similar groups), who know their Enneagram type and who are willing to take the next step of going deeper.

How do you know if you are ready?  Ask yourself if the following statements are congruent with your personal intention:

~A capacity to self-disclose and share in a safe, confidential environment
~A willingness to work with the defensive nature of personality, notice habitual patterns and challenge your assumptions about yourself and other people
~A commitment to daily spiritual practice
~A readiness to open your heart to yourself and others

We begin with an outdoor retreat from 9-4 on September 14
Regular sessions then begin September 28

Date: 9/28, 10/12, 10/26, 11/9, 11/30, /12/14
Time: 9:30-12 noon
Place:Oakley, Ohio
Fee: $175 for the daily sessions, $75 for the retreat

Facilitator: Leslie Hershberger, MA, Certified Teacher of Narrative Enneagram, Certified Train-the-Trainer of Enneagram in Business, Teacher mentor for Enneagram Association in the Narrative Tradition

“Leslie is both warm hearted, and thoughtful in her teaching and coaching. I have witnessed her depth of knowledge, teaching skill, and awareness. I consider her a brilliant teacher and life coach. Her insight into the fundamentals of their personal and spiritual development makes her teaching especially poignant. I recommend her highly. You will benefit from your experience with her.”
David Daniels, M.D. co-founder of the Enneagram Professional Training Program (EPTP) and Clinical Professor, Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences, Stanford Medical School

“Leslie is loving, compassionate and authentic. My life has been deeply enriched by her, both personally and professionally. Her knowledge of spiritual development and her genuine acceptance of others allow people to flourish in her presence.  She’s the real deal.”
Jane Shipley, Workshop participant

What is Our Focus?

Part 1: September-December: The Presence Process by Michael Brown

In his book, Brown takes us through 10 weeks.  Each week includes:

• Reading the chapter
• Breathing practices twice a day
• A weekly “Conscious Response” as an awareness practice
• Body awareness practices (felt sense)
• Group sharing
• Enneagram insights are integrated throughout the sessions.

Part 2: The Wisdom Way of Knowing by Cynthia Bourgeault; January-June 2012

(Details to be announced.  Will include contemplative/meditation practice, sacred chanting, conscious work, lectio divina, body awareness practice)

How Do I Sign Up?

Contact Leslie Hershberger at leslie@lesliehershberger.com to set up a time for a phone conversation to determine whether this group meets your needs.

If you are a returning member, register below.